Monday, 2 August 2010

It's past one thirty in the morning. Thinking on it, I could probably be asleep in a minute if I tried. But my eyelids aren't drooping, and I'm not sleepy. My mind is wide awake, thinking about everything from plane trips to memories; people to projects. Regina Spektor breathes quirkily-deep lyrics from my speakers, and everyone else in the house should be asleep. I think about the trip I'll take to see my cousin and my mom's side of the family, and I look forward to it with anticipation. I think about a trip I might take in the winter, to Ireland; living on the street, walking where I want to go. Will I do it? I don't really know. But it's fun to dream. Just be careful. Speaking of dreaming, I watched Inception at the cinema. Mind-blowing. I also think about the year I have ahead of me before college. Of course I couldn't really have gone this year if I'd wanted, because I wasn't diligent enough with saving my money, but even though it was my choice to stay home I'm still eager to get on with my education. Not that I can't get educated on my own. But I've always been impatient for the time between times to hurry along. All the same, there's a lot in this year to look forward to. It means I'll get to spend another Thanksgiving with some great people. It means I might go apple picking with the family. It means I'll be around for Christmas. I'll be around to work, to visit my brother in college, to write.

I think I'm getting a little insane. I can see myself beginning to crack. It would be nice to lose myself in study or in writing, or even work or creating things. But I can't. I'm hungry. Hungry, starved, even. I don't even know what to call it, or the source of it, but there's a hunger for something that I'm missing, something that drives me to madness. It's not an explosive madness. Just a quiet, slow slipping out of reality. (I watch too many sci-fi stuff, apparently. Harhar.)

"The quiet, mystic night swallows my aching in obsidian oblivion; a shooting star—a stirring coal: awake, for the morning is near, and clarity is peak as tendrils of light grow like well-watered plants to expose a naked earth, yet uncovered from its slumber, yet unready for the suppressive heat to come." (explain this to me, someone. I don't know what he's saying.)

I told a friend this the other day. I kind of liked it, not because I enjoy this truth, but because I think it's something we should all think about: "Humans are emotionally more durable than they admit; but their ideas and emotions are more fragile than any will acknowledge."

There's that, and of course this one, in closing: "Even the best of us sometimes eat grapefruit."

5 comments:

  1. "The quiet, mystic night swallows my aching in obsidian oblivion; a shooting star—a stirring coal: awake, for the morning is near, and clarity is peak as tendrils of light grow like well-watered plants to expose a naked earth, yet uncovered from its slumber, yet unready for the suppressive heat to come." (explain this to me, someone. I don't know what he's saying.)

    The darkness is like a healing balm for pain - swallowing it from our hearts in peace. But before it can swallow us into peaceful darkness a stream of light reminds us that the morning will soon come and we will be thrust out of the safety and quiet of the night into the clarity of the morning where we must face our problems. Sunlight peaks at us and in morning finds us "naked" - without yet building the barriers to our emotions that we build for the world. But it also finds us prepared to face the harshness a day might hold - as plants ready to face the heat of the sun.

    That is my take on this quote. It's masterful and beautiful I believe it to simply insane. Who is it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oops - I read it wrong on the very last part. "yet unready to face the suppressive heat to come." But I suppose in the light of what I translated it to mean to me that would still make plain sense and all the more true sense to I feel....It seems I am most prepared to face things painful at the night when I can soon slip from them. It's the mornings that the "heat" is most stirring.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very impressive, Forsworn Sight! I wrote the quote...without knowing what I was trying to say. It's nice to have it explained.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It says you posted something new. WhERE IS IT?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I posted something, but realised it was taken in a way that was hurtful. I'll post something new in a minute.

    ReplyDelete